While browsing the talkback section of the blog today to approve/disapprove comments and find out what’s on the listenership’s mind, I happened across perhaps the most vital piece of communication TESD will ever receive. It hails from the mind/keyboard of Arthur Phillips, clearly one of the purest and most insightful thinkers of our time. For your perusal, a snapshot of the genius at work.





*Note pensive nature.

What type criminal would I be to withhold the brilliant musings of this Sartre’esque critic from you? How removed would I be from even the basest elements of my humanity should I refrain from bestowing the introspective wisdom of Arthur Phillips upon you, the imbecilic and thick-witted masses?
I count myself amongst your number friends.  We are those of dull-eyes and slackened, drool-glazed jaws. Our destiny is not to grasp the perspicacity of an Arthur Phillips, but to merely sit at his feet in awe of what our feeble minds could only dream to comprehend and digest. To attempt understanding of his wit is to dream the dream of Icarus. We fly on wings of feathers and wax my friends. ‘Tis true folly to think otherwise.

Without further hesitation I give you….Arthur Phillips.

Microsoft has to be painfully desperate to give these non-entities more airtime. If I were Bryan Johnston, I’d probably slap my fiancee for listening to this crap. Thankfully, I’m not.

I have only one request. Bryan Johnston…if you’re out there somewhere reading this, I implore you… PLEASE, for the love of God, don’t slap your fiancee for listening to we three non-entities. Just be thankful as well that Arthur Phillips isn’t your fiancee. He seems like a real douchebag.

About tellemsd

We tell 'em. It's what we do. It's ALL we do.
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73 Responses to EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!!!!!

  1. Robert P says:

    A real douchebag indeed.

  2. TESD HOT LOVER says:

    Okay just don’t talk about the fat dick on the pod for half an hour

  3. Lisa Warner says:

    Dreaming the dreams of Icarus indeed. I laughed my ass off.

  4. Rusty says:

    LOL! This is fantastic.

    That guy is an even bigger loser than getimstevedave.

  5. Bob says:

    And the sad part is you probably made this dick-head cum in his pants just now. But if it makes you feel better, then by all means.

  6. Chriseee says:

    Dear Arthur Phillips:
    If you move to NY as of today you can be this mysterious Bryan Johnston’s fiancee and you can have a happy life together finding non-entities to listen to and follow to their blog to leave comments and then be mercilessly mocked by the hundreds of thousands who religiously follow said non-entities on Itunes, Zune, twitter, blogs and even pay to see them live.
    One of the masses of BBW lovers (that Bry Bri Walt)

  7. Lou Gilmour says:

    This is the sequel to the MajorWally fable of old, now accepted in TESD folklore.
    (Link http://tellemstevedave37.blogspot.com/2010/05/heres-why.html)

    Great job Bry, this made me laugh.

  8. Matthew says:

    I, for one, have gotten a huge kick out of “OverKill”, because for once – there’s a paranormal podcast with both believers/skeptics and comedy/seriousness. There’s usually not room for both, but it’s expected from the TESD crew.

    Hopefully the paranormal theme doesn’t die, and also doesn’t completely end with the Zune deal. It’s too great of an idea to shove aside because some guy that can’t spell tells you to (well, this coming from the guy that just typed Collingswood again, when that’s not the name of the auction).

  9. Jon says:

    The ball cap tells me he’s self conscious about being bald, the hand under the chin tells me he’s self conscious about his double chin, the cutting down of his betters on the Internet just tells me what an all around miserable person he is.

  10. Chris says:

    Is this Bryan Johnston friends with Walt Finnegan and Brian Flynn?

  11. Schon says:

    I feel truly spoiled by the quality and quantity of TESD related material this week. Thanks Bry. Hilarious.

  12. T.L. Mertens says:

    I’m a big fan of Bryan Johnston and his podcast, Tell ‘Em, Steph-Dave!

  13. Nick says:

    I can only imagine the powerhouse fable that is brewing in the mind of a Bryan Johnston at this very moment. The true rapture begins with his fury.

  14. Heather says:

    School these motherfuckers, Bry. TESD is the best. Fuck you, Arthur Phillips.

  15. TESD is the greatest podcast out there. Having it twice a week is orgasmic. You start my week and end it. Arthur Phillips is a dick.

  16. Rich F. CT says:

    You think you can find this Bryan Johnston and get him on the show? Might be a great guest and interviewee to see how he and his fiancée feel about this situation. Just saying…

  17. steveincanada says:

    Grumble grumble grumble. I have hardly any twitter followers. Maybe if I start a fight with you guys, someone will notice me!

  18. As a fellow Johnston (not Bryan), I’d like to say that we as a rule of thumb do not slap our fiances or significant others.

    Also, Arthor Phillips is luck his account is locked, otherwise I’m sure he would’ve been Wall Bombed by now.

    I managed to get Overkill on one of my Windows and just share them over Dropbox with my Mac friends. Now we all are enjoying the supernatural spin-off of the classic Tell ‘Em Steve Dave. May I suggest another spin-off which is a radio drama?

  19. Bill LaRue says:

    Orange hats are the cat’s ass.

  20. mike says:

    aww I wish I had an orange hat 😦

  21. Pauly D says:

    For some reason the term ass-clown is coming to mind for this guy.

  22. Badmuthapucka-PNO says:

    2 things-
    1) What was his fascination of where Q was on 9/11? Where was he? Stuffing his cookie chute is not a heroic noteworthy effort of contribution during the 9/11 tragedy. If it was, I’d be the equivalent of Captain America.
    2) Can you really call your right hand your fiance?

    • Badmuthapucka-PNO says:

      and i’m talking about the arthurincanada douche. Is it just me or does he remind anyone else of a Bizzaro version of Malcom?

      • I find that the world is full of unspeakable sorrows.Arthur, Why add to the pool of black water by going on Twitter and releasing such venom on to guys who really are dedicated to giving fans free entertainment. Arthur, you’re a very mean spirited person and I’m sorry for whatever happened in life to make you such. Bry and Bri I appreciate all the effort you put into the show(Walt and Ming too), and as a female I’ve gotten to hear a side of males you never see in movies, guys who actually talk about why they’re upset with a friend and work it out with each other because they care. This guy just wants to be ugly when it’s so simple to be kind, or if there is no kindness inside he should choose silence.

    • I was there and running for my life.

  23. Hang on… I’m confused…

    If Arthur was Bryan Johnston, would he be slapping Bryan Johnston’s fiancee or his own fiancee?

    Is this Bryan Johnston even engaged? If not, if Arthur was Bryan Johnston, doesn’t that mean the freaky Arthur/Bryan Johnston hybrid not only doesn’t have his fiancee but possibly doesn’t have Bryan Johnston’s fiancee as well?

    So there is no fiancee to slap?

  24. Betti says:

    First, I thought Malcom was the bizzaro version of Malcom.
    Second, The amazing thing about listening to a free digital service is that you can delete the service if you don’t like it.

  25. jmsmith17 says:

    Arthur Phillips please die of Aids you cunt.

  26. RW says:

    Fuck this fat fuck.

  27. GeekyBaz says:

    Having read this, i have to praise Bry for his genius literary stylings. Arthur Phillips is an absolute cock and that’s a lot more derogatory from where i’m posting (UK).

    I’d love a retort from AP but I think TESD listeners have found their new Major Wally.

  28. Jean-Paul says:

    Bry, you’ve given this grotesque and sloppy fuck enough of your time. Please don’t mention him on the show this week; it’s probably what he wants. We just wanna hear our three favorite guys being themselves, not talking about some bullshit troll with no life.

    Since Week One

  29. Carolyn says:

    Can’t stop laughing at this one, what pure genius comedy!!! Thanks Bry for posting this, it has turned a bad day into a funny night and now I will fall asleep laughing!!!!

  30. Bob says:

    Having read some of the douchebag’s comments on Twitter, I’m hoping someone in Canada will be kind enough to knock some of his teeth out.

  31. heath says:

    and the posterchild for forced sterilization is revealed….

  32. Ben Carter says:

    A fat, balding, loudmouth blogger who’s self-employed, works with computers, and doesn’t have any friends?

    If this guy were a character in a movie, I’d be annoyed that he’s too much of a cliche.

  33. He looks like an uglier, fatter Turtle from Entourage. I thank God (metaphorically–as there is no such ‘thing’) that I am not Arthur Phillips.

  34. pdubble says:

    Haters gotta hate. Apparently on Bryan Johnston…

  35. a great poet of massive thought said it best…” Tell ’em Steve Dave!”

  36. Wayne says:

    I wonder if Arthur has time to pry his head out of his ass long enough to even listen to podcasts between eating bags of Doritos.

  37. George Hearst The Cocksucker says:

    Reading his tweets is like being fucked by an unfunny headache.
    Eat shit, Arthur

  38. Badmuthapucka-PNO says:

    I think this is the same clown who said i sound stupid making up words, and he uses the phrase non-entities. Put his pic next to major wally’s for Pusshole Hall of Fame

  39. TESDguy85 says:

    If thats his pic, He appears to be a Jealous, Sweaty, fat fuck. He wishes he had a fiancee to slap. I guess his mother will do, That is, if he can waddle out of her basement to do so. After reading some of the other comments, I imagine he’s fashioning a noose out of twizzlers and left over strings from candy necklaces as we speak.

  40. Notice the pose in the picture is to cover his double chin action?…

  41. What a twat. Simple as.

  42. Craig says:

    what a fuckwit im glad he made the error though to make him a laughing stock

  43. Joe Hensel says:

    He looks like an uglier Ethan Suplee before the weight loss.

  44. tonyLkollman says:

    In the words of Kevin Smith:
    “Never get an idea to attack the dude with the microphone.”

  45. Fletch says:

    This douche doesn’t deserved to be noticed. His tweets and posts make me sick.
    I hope he derives no pleasure from our attention.
    He has putrid soul.

  46. Ever notice it’s always the losers who can’t get girlfriends who most casually throw out axioms about the importance of beating women? I guess from the perspective of one who’s forever doomed to stand outside looking in, such as our dopey orange-hatted friend, it would seem those creatures with the strange bumps on their chests whose faces screw up in revulsion when the miasma of your body odor wafts under their noses would require some type of dominant displays, lest they attempt to escape your flabby clutches.

    But enough of the strawman tactics (albeit there’s a lot of straw stuffed in there, possibly an entire bale, behind which there may one day be, if he takes all his vitamins and says his prayers, a real beard), let us seriously consider his point: Microsoft’s desperation. In such dire straits, this multi-billion dollar software giant is, that they asked Bryan Johnston, Walt Hannigan, and Bob Quinn to save them. How astute that Andre Phelps was able to see this while all those economic analysts, financial bloggers, and other so-called “experts” were blissfully ignorant to Microsoft’s lame gait. Oh, Andrew Planck, what would we do without you? You are such a treasure, I’d never ask the owner of Tim Horton’s to slap his wife for feeding you six times a day.

    Despite your shining wisdom, you offer nothing constructive: what Zune programming is necessary to please one Anthony Poopenmeier? Obviously, from what we know of you, your first choice would an hour broadcast of a woman apologizing profusely while sitting a kiddie pool full of gravy, but that lacks universal appeal that fails to extend far beyond your mom’s basement. I know you’re very busy trying to determine Q’s involvement in 9/11, but if you have the insight to prove our world just a tiny bit, why don’t you share? I mean, it’s not like your input is anything that’s lying in your feeding trough…so you can share, right?

    Alas, there’s no doubt that Alex Penisyummer is now blocked from all TESD streams, and his voice will be lost to the ages. His sage words will ring out in the darkness, only to be denied by the silence. We can only muse on what history-changing ideas the world must mourn for his loss. We can only know, and hope, that he is now doing what he does best: jerking off with chicken grease in his right hand, tears streaming down his face, while using the left to single-handed demolishing a bucket of said greasy chicken, like the warrior-poet that he is.

  47. BigChrisHolt says:

    Shouldn’t the bloke in that picture be helping earl tick items off his list?

  48. Ryan62468 says:

    Maybe this bitch needs his teeth kicked down his throat. BryWaltQ are awesome as hell, funny and very entertaining too. Kevin Smith may have cracked the door open to podcasting but they kicked it open and said TELL EM STEVEDAVE! Top 25 of podcasting in 2010 won peoples choice and best in comedy. I say more TESD more damn it more!

  49. Bill Ward says:

    As gratifying as I’m sure it was to expose this thunder-c@&t the hordes of trolls go back way beyond the horizon in an unending stream of ignorant buffoonery and hatred. Best to block out the light to their caves so they can return to a life of perpetual onanism & self-loathing..

  50. Oisin Tormey says:

    I saw all the tweets coming up and was just wondering what was this fucking moron’s problem? He’s got the look of a rapist trucker so I wouldn’t waste too much more bandwith on this cunt

  51. alan e lopez says:

    hahaha what a fat cock sucker he is ,change the podcast title from tell ’em steve dave to tell ’em fuck Arthur Phillips lol naw dont do that he aint worth it ,TESD RULES!!

  52. That’s hilarious Bry. Back in the day I wrote my thoughts on how I thought Armageddon was a stupid movie to Ben Affleck on the View Askew forum and he wrote back to me something of this nature. Always gives me a little smile when I watch Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back when they talk about douche bags that write stuff like that. I was one of those douche bags in my younger years, cracks me up.

    PS. Armageddon blows.

  53. Artful Dodger says:

    Whatever drugs this Arthur Phillips is on, they’re evidently nowhere near strong enough.

    Tis whimsical to see those with no communication skills whatsoever (as evidenced by the comment above) complain about something that they are under no obligation to experience. Jealousy makes for thrilling e-drama.

    Sidenote : To whichever one of you wrote the post, the world thanks you for poetic brilliance.

  54. Bryan Johnston says:

    Arthur told me I’d regret it, after I turned down his awkward sexual advances and boy was he right. Come on, Art, this shit is between me and you. Why did you have to involve the TESD boys?

    Anyway, this is all very upsetting and I’ll be bringing this up to Flantagan and Quinnt in group therapy this week. This isn’t over, douchebag.

  55. Mike Grant says:

    Hold on…I have to update the Wikipedia page on “douchebag”.

  56. GeekyBaz says:

    Sorry for another post but I thought i’d let you know I received a tweet from this douchebag who said “I was fashionable for following the words of others”

    I did an old school Bry and told him to GFH followed by a classic KA-BLOCK

    • Bill LaRue says:

      I didn’t receive a tweet, but he’s following me on Twitter too. I think it had something to do with my comment to @BryWaltQ about a bus and him being under it, backed over by it and caught up in its wheel well.
      Though the best part isn’t that he’s following me. The best part is that his OTHER account is following me too. This other account is his attempt at “comedy”.

      I’m not going to KA-BLOCK him though. He can read along as I tweet each and every day to Bryan, Walt and Quinn about how motherfucking awesome they are.

      • Badmuthapucka-PNO says:

        OH Hell yeah Bill. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Some one should put Arthur’s teeth so far down his throat he’ll be able to chew his own ass out for pissing off the fans of the greatest podcast in history. Every one raise a glass and toast to the a force of nature that can never be contained: Everybody TO TELL EM STEVE-DAVE!

  57. Sam says:

    Haha… wow…

    Goes to show you don’t mess with the TESD crew or their fans… at least if you don’t want to be publicly eviscerated.

    But not to give Mr. AP Fuckwad anymore attention… question to Bry (or a more attentive listener): When the microsoft exclusive contract is up how are you guys planning to release those shows for those of us who didn’t go the Zune route? Bandcamp?… extra weekly show?… massive file binge? Just curious.

    Greedily awaiting those hours (and hours) of content when the time comes guys, and as always keep up the great work. Best show on Smod/SIR by far!

  58. Robot bear says:

    arthur cant get no pussy don’t bother with this douche he aint worth it.

  59. cerebusboy says:

    Hilarious, especially the Icarus stuff. I know people say you shouldn’t give haters the time of day but, damn, this was funny. Sounds like this Arthur fellow gives CHUDs a bad name 😉

    UK TESD fans represent! 🙂

    ryan in Glasgow.

  60. Mike K. says:

    is this blog dead?

  61. Ahhh, the internet … where wimps become warriors!

  62. Robert says:

    Could you guys record a séance or a Ouija board session for Overkill?

    I understand you may be unwilling but imagine the ratings bump the show would receive should Walt become possessed by Captain Howdy. And surely the benefits of giving Bill Gates a hit Zune show would outweigh the disadvantages inherent in opening a portal to the realm of the dead.

    Anyway, I had asked on twitter but don’t think you saw it.

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